


Letter to My Dead Best Friend

by icantouchthestars



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Post-Avengers (2012), Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Feels, Steve is lonely, Steve is sad, steve misses bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantouchthestars/pseuds/icantouchthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After New York, once everything has quieted down a bit, Steve aches. The loss of Bucky is all too recent for him, and he misses his friend. He decides to write a letter to his lost companion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letter to My Dead Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> A fanfic idea I got a while back after coming up with another sad idea for a book I'll never write, and I thought "Hey, this could apply to Steve and Bucky. I should write that."  
> My first fic, because I thought I had ought to start writing them sometime. 
> 
> This has not been edited. You've been warned.
> 
> *Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Marvel owns them. Or Disney. But I definitely do not own them.*

~~Dear Bucky-~~

~~Dearest Buck,~~

Bucky-

   Hey. It's me, Steve. You're gone but somehow I'm still here, lucky enough--so they say--to have survived crashing a plane into water seventy years ago. Thanks to the serum, I'm strong enough to save my own backside now, but it doesn't make me miss you any less.

   When they woke me up, nothing was the way it should have been, and this time it wasn't just because you were gone. Everything was too bright and too loud, and the world seemed to move faster than it used to. You would love the 21st century, Buck. There's a lot of great stuff- the internet, which I can't even begin to explain, and all of the films are in color now. There aren't any flying cars though, I need to have words with Howard's son about that. His name's Tony, and he's a very interesting kind of character, but I think you probably would have liked him. I met him when I was pulled into a team recently- to fight an alien invasion in the middle of New York. Aliens in New York, coming straight out of the sky, actual real aliens. Who would ever have guessed? You would have killed me for getting involved in something that dangerous, but hey, we won.

    There is one thing missing from this bright, shining future though. Something no technology in the world could ever replace: You.

 I miss you, Bucky. I miss you so much, it's overwhelming at times. Often I visit the "Captain America" exhibit at the Smithsonian- a huge museum in D.C., and I read what they have to say about you. What the world remembers. All I want is to shout to the world that they should remember more, that you were more than just my best friend. You were the man who helped shape me into who I am today. Without you, I was nothing. I would have been dead a hundred times over if you hadn't been there for me, beating back the bullies from all the fights I started and saving my sorry life. James Buchanan Barnes was so important- _IS_ so important.

    There's a video they show at the Smithsonian about me, I've lost count of how many times I've watched it now. It's got clips of us in it- from during the war, after I was Captain America. My favorite is the one in which you and I are laughing. Something is said, and you bust up with the most genuine laugh I'd seen from you in a while, and I'm laughing too, and all I want is to step back into that moment before everything came crashing down and you were gone. The worst part is that I don't even remember what we were laughing about. I've tried, I've wracked my brain for hours trying to recall that moment with you, but I can't. I don't know. And every time I can't remember something about you, even just minuscule details, I feel like I've let you down. Like you're slipping away, inch by painstaking inch, and eventually I'll lose you for good. Because if I don't remember my own best friend, who will?

   Everyday I wish I had reached just a little further, stretched a little farther, grabbed your hand and pulled you to safety. You saved my life so many times, and then when I could finally save yours, I still couldn't. That fact hits me in the face every day. I'm so, so sorry Buck. I miss you. I'm never gonna stop missing you, you big jerk.

-Steve

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to edit this. I am. But if I don't post it now I never will. And I know the spacing is awful but I'll fix that later too. UPDATE: I have kind of fixed the spacing and I will work on editing this better this weekend.


End file.
